Oddly enough it was around the time of puberty that I stopped chasing after boys I went to school with. I was more interested in the posters of movie and pop stars covering my walls.
I was in the drama club, debating, a school council representative and captain of house sports. I was a high achieving good girl, that smoked in the toilets and often got sent home from school for wearing too much make-up.
At least once a month we would go to an underage disco. If my parents knew how many boys I kissed at those police supervised events I would have been banned for life. It was a competitive sport amongst my friends. Anything more? Not a chance. I didn't want to be 'that' girl in the snide remarks and dirty talk of the school yard.
Some of the guys at school would mob the girls, at lunchtime. At first, it was harmless water fights. Fun and games, until they started trying to pull our dresses off. Fortunately the more we screamed, yelled and struggled, the faster they backed off. Even on the hottest days, we we wore t-shirts under our dresses and sports bloomers over our undies, a vain attempt to protect our modesty.
Like most of my friends I began thinking about Mr Right. We agreed it was out-dated to wait until we we married to lose our virginity. We would, however, save ourselves for someone that we were truly in love with. Someone we would be with forever. The One.
Cue the Summer holidays. "I met a boy cute as can be."
He was a year older, a musician who enrolled at my school after the Summer. I had my friends he was making new friends. He was mature and never pressured me. During the Easter holidays he politely asked me to take our relationship to the next level.
I considered it, but a nagging feeling that I wasn't in love persisted. I knew he wasn't 'The One.' I broke up with him. Things would only get awkward if he kept asking.
I made some serious promises to myself that year. Some I didn't keep, others I still maintain. Like, only ever doing what I feel completely comfortable with.
I guess I love those hormonal teenagers because they taught me how to say "no thank you" to gentlemen with manners and roar at brutes who use force to try and cross my boundaries.
Did you fantasise about your first love being your sole/soulmate, your one and only? Is this the reason why 'breaking up is never easy'?